RICHMOND, Va. — According to the annual Morrissey Annoyance Index released by the University of Richmond’s Department of Sociology & Anthropology, “Fightin’” Joe Morrissey remains only the second most annoying Morrissey on record, despite what appeared to have been sustained, deliberate attempts to push himself to the top of the list.
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Morrissey, a disgraced former member of the Virginia House of Delegates recently announced his bid for Virginia State Senate despite millions of Virginians begging him to please take a hint and go away. “He’s like the Terminator,” former Virginia House minority leader David Toscano said in a recent interview. “You just can’t get rid of him no matter what you do. It’s so annoying.”
Still, this year’s top spot remains firmly held by The Smiths frontman Steven Morrissey, known mononymously as Morrissey, a man affectionately described by fans as “the mopey zoo lion of 80s British rock.”
“For the sixth consecutive year since polling began, the intensity of annoyance caused by Morrissey has been unparalleled,” said a statement released by University of Richmond Professor Michael Sosnick. “Even when compared to multi-faceted Joe Morrissey – an ex-lawyer, an ex-con, and the extremely creepy uncle you never want to sit near – [Steven] Morrissey is just in a league of his own.”
Representatives for Morrissey stated that their client would not be issuing an official statement this year as he was too busy shaming patrons at a London McDonald’s for supporting the immoral meat industrial complex. Sources further revealed that the musician was in the process of planning a North American tour for later this year that may or may not be cancelled at the last minute.
However, the University of Richmond reportedly received a phone call late last evening from Joe Morrissey, calling the poll’s methodology flawed and “not taking into account my courageous run in Virginia politics.”