Tim Kaine

“Who’s Running in This Bitch Again?” Asks Shitfaced Terry McAuliffe in Voting Line on Election Day

RICHMOND, Va. — Reeking of various craft beers, a heavily intoxicated former Gov. Terry McAuliffe loudly yelled for someone to tell him who was running in the election, sources confirmed Tuesday. According to accounts, the former governor arrived [read more ... ]

Amanda Chase Apologizes in Advance for Next Horrible Words and Deeds

RICHMOND, Va. — Claiming that her campaign schedule is becoming more demanding by the day, Virginia Sen. Amanda Chase (R-Chesterfield) gave a heartfelt preemptive apology for the unconscionable things she will undoubtedly say or do in the coming [read more ... ]

Life-Size Monument of the Richmond Coliseum Proposed on Site of Current Coliseum

RICHMOND, Va. — After constant speculation regarding the future of the Richmond Coliseum, city officials announced Wednesday plans to replace the Coliseum with a life-size monument of the Richmond Coliseum. “Since Richmond is a city filled with [read more ... ]

Joe Morrissey Vows To Lower Voting Age From 18 to 17

On the heels of his recent Democratic primary win for Virginia’s 16th state senate district, former delegate Joe Morrissey announced that, if elected to the Virginia Senate, he vows to lower the voting age from 18 to 17. The proposal, which [read more ... ]

Poll Finds Joe Morrissey Only Second Most Annoying Morrissey

RICHMOND, Va. — According to the annual Morrissey Annoyance Index released by the University of Richmond’s Department of Sociology & Anthropology, “Fightin’” Joe Morrissey remains only the second most annoying Morrissey on record, [read more ... ]

Levar Stoney Opens Lemonade Stand to Raise Money for Public Schools

RICHMOND, Va. — Stating that the idea worked when he was a kid trying to raise enough money for a Razor scooter, sources confirmed that Mayor Levar Stoney opened a lemonade stand on Saturday in an effort to help fund Richmond Public Schools. [read more ... ]

Virginia Pretty Sure Racism Is Finally Over After Learning Lesson From Blackface Scandals

RICHMOND, Va. — Reassuring themselves that all future problems regarding race have now been solved, all 8.52 million residents of Virginia feel confident that racism is finally over following the blackface scandals involving Gov. Ralph Northam and [read more ... ]

Tim Kaine Rejected by Fifth Jam Band He Tries to Join

ARLINGTON, Va. — A devastated Sen. Tim Kaine has just been rejected as the harmonica player for local jam band Intergalactic HASHbrown Experience, sources confirmed Friday. RELATED (article continued below): Terry McAuliffe Drunkenly Screams for [read more ... ]

Bob and Maureen McDonnell Fighting Over Who Will Get Ferrari

VIRGINIA BEACH, Va. — Moving forward with their upcoming divorce, former Gov. Bob McDonnell and his wife Maureen were spotted out together for the first time since going public with the news. Not surprisingly, they arguing over who would get the [read more ... ]