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Chesapeake Bay To Be Drained, Cleaned, Refilled On Thursday

NORFOLK, Va. — Officials with the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration’s (NOAA) Chesapeake Bay Office announced this morning their plans to drain, clean, and refill the Bay this Thursday.

This operation marks the first effort to clean the Bay since its construction was completed 35.5 million years ago. “The Chesapeake Bay is an incredible natural wonder,” commented Martin Randalls, NOAA Director, “But she’s way overdue for a scrub.”

The 64,299-square-mile drainage basin has been the focus of organized cleanup efforts since the 1980s to combat industrial pollution, toxic waste, algae blooms, and some minor staining. “We want a bay for future generations to enjoy, for wildlife to continue to thrive in, and, ultimately, we also want to protect the resale value,” commented Alison Masters of Beach and Bay Realty, a sponsor of the project. “God forbid Virginia needs to sell one day, but a good cleaning every once in awhile is a great way to protect your investment, just in case.”

Officials have asked recreational boaters, commercial fishermen, and all plant and wildlife to avoid the estuary between 10 p.m. Wednesday and 9 a.m. Friday.

“Shouldn’t take too long—we’ve got a hell of a system down,” added Jay Peebles of Peebles Aquatics, a Hampton Roads-based pool cleaning company contracted to lead the cleanup. “We’ve been draining and scrubbing pools for 35 years; this won’t take us more than a day, tops.”

The first phase of the cleanup effort will begin at 11 p.m. Wednesday, when NOAA engineers will begin draining the Bay. The second phase will consist of scrubbing the seabed and any rocks, reef, and shellfish in the area and a hearty bleaching of the general vicinity. Lastly, the original bay water will pass through a series of giant Brita filters designed specifically for the occasion. A quick Febreze will cap off the process and refilling should begin at 6 p.m. Thursday night and will be complete by 8 a.m. Friday morning.

As of press time, several dozen Costcos in the region were suddenly out of stock of Clorox, scrub brushes, and mop handles.

31 Comments on Chesapeake Bay To Be Drained, Cleaned, Refilled On Thursday

  1. it’s a large bay, to be sure, but ??? how big?

    Like

  2. Michelle coats // July 22, 2017 at 2:49 am // Reply

    You can not drain a bay. This is a joke right

    Like

  3. Michelle coats // July 22, 2017 at 2:50 am // Reply

    You can’t drain a bay. This is a joke right

    Like

  4. Some people’s children I tell ya. Lighten up this was for humor but also awareness. Lived on this beautiful Bay my intire life whether physically or mentally and sometimes both depending on the acid going around at the time.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Thomas Kelly // July 22, 2017 at 10:20 am // Reply

    And I thought we would never get this clean up accomplished! How dumb of me, the snowflake.

    Like

  6. Bill Asher // July 22, 2017 at 9:57 pm // Reply

    This is an old April Fools joke run in the Evening Capitol maybe 30 or 40 years ago.

    Like

  7. Suzie Bluesky // July 23, 2017 at 1:40 pm // Reply

    Well at least they had the foresight to let the plants and wildlife know. Now they can plan accordingly.

    Like

  8. James W Leakan // July 23, 2017 at 1:57 pm // Reply

    finally we we be able to see Chessie I hope to see a clear photo

    Liked by 1 person

  9. WoW Can’t wait to see this one, so glad you have practice draining pools. I agree, this shouldn’t take more than an hour. Maybe we’ll find China. 🙂

    Like

  10. I have not had a soft crab sandwich since that Viagra truck went off the bay bridge. It will be great to get that cleaned up
    Thanks guys.

    Like

  11. Lol now this would be hilarious to see how many believe lol

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  12. I have been in ,on, around, across, this vast Bay ..7 yrs in the NAVY ,in and out ,across doing OP,s, with UDT SEAL TEAM for 2 yrs ..fishing .. I think i have seen Chesapeake Bay a few times. NICE!!!!

    Like

  13. And when you are done doing the Bay we could use you in DC to drain the swamp.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. VB Commuter // July 24, 2017 at 9:45 pm // Reply

    Will I still be able to use the bridge/tunnels? Will they still work without water?
    I’m asking for a friend…..

    Like

  15. Greg Fremo // July 25, 2017 at 1:06 am // Reply

    I SURE HOPE TGEY GO UP THE POTOMAC N BLEACH N CLEANOUT CONGRESS N SENATE TO THEY COULD USE A GOOD CLEANING TOO

    Like

  16. frankgould // July 25, 2017 at 1:11 am // Reply

    this is bullshit ,I live on this bay,aircraft carriers &fleets depart from naval operating base in Norfolk through the bay to get to atlantic ocean.do you really think their going to hold the military up fromdeparting on a dime.no!!!!!!,.

    Like

  17. John lofland // July 25, 2017 at 2:54 pm // Reply

    It’s about time they cleaned it up. The other day I caught a crab holding Jimmy Hoffa’s wallet and smoking a Newport.
    Things have gotten bad down there.

    Like

  18. Really folks, read the top of the page, “Virginia’s Most Trusted Satirical News Source.”

    Like

  19. Bleach. Is that–environmentally sound? Shouldn’t they be buying in big-ass barrels of Seventh Generation? And I hope the paper towels used to wipe the rocks are recycled.

    Like

  20. Is this practice for draining the current White House swamp?

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  21. Easier to drain the bay then the dc swamp.

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  22. Wow just think of all the loose change, cell phones, fishing lures, and bodies that will be found! lol

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  23. Heck, after Obama stopped the sea levels from rising, this will be a cinch.
    btw, here is a video of the Atlantic Ocean being refilled after it was cleaned a few weeks ago:

    Like

  24. There’s no way in heck anyone can drain & clean the Chesapeake Bay!!

    No way!!!

    Like

  25. donald farrare // July 27, 2017 at 7:09 am // Reply

    Wow what kind of stuff they been smoken.

    Like

  26. Patsy R. Hester // July 29, 2017 at 4:05 am // Reply

    They are as full of “stuff”As a Christmas turkey !!! Save all the gold you find, such as wedding bands and Rope chains for me ! Thank you !!

    Like

  27. This is all part of what was done by the last Administration leaving office.
    Much is a problem here has to do with States gerrymandering their voting districts.
    Information was found in a Russian communication that the DNC, and the Clinton election committee have had destroyed some computer components and just dump other ones into the bay.
    The Aluminaut, the Deepwater submarine was brought out of retirement from the Science Museum of Virginia in Richmond Virginia to recover these components.
    After the recovery operation the Aluminaut was unable to resurface.
    Once the bay is drained Sikorsky helicopters will remove the submarine from its resting place and take it to the Norfolk Naval Air Station. Because of the cold temperatures at the depth that the components were found in the lack of oxygen in the water due to the pollution the computer components should be in decent shape.
    This is all part of making America great again!

    Like

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