RICHMOND, Va. — Richmond singles can rejoice as Chanello’s Pizza has announced it is offering a special prix fixe dinner for one this Valentine’s Day.
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Beginning at 6 p.m. on Thursday, the Richmond Chanello’s location will offer a three-course “Forever Alone Feast” for $19.99. The special menu includes an order of buffalo wings, a heart shaped chicken florentine pizza cut in half, and a slice of cheesecake. Customers can also choose either a bottle of Arbor Mist moscato or a Coors Light tall boy to drink with their meal.
The Hampton Roads-based pizza chain created the promotion in response to restaurants that offer Valentine’s Day specials catered to couples in love and people staying married until their kids go to college. Frank Chancordio, the owner of Channello’s, believes the option offers singles a respite from the awkwardness of consuming an arbitrarily overpriced meal from a restaurant bar while scrolling through Bumble and watching other people experience the joy of human contact.
“Our customers already consist of mostly socially awkward introverts, incels, and people obsessed with Instagramming their pets,” Chancordio said, explaining that he wants to make sure the community’s misfits have a special evening on Thursday. “We felt this meal was a good way to make sure they knew that someone cared on Valentine’s Day.”
In addition to the special menu, delivery drivers will spice up their customers’ evenings by providing carnations and old birthday candles. With these add-ons, customers can create an intimate atmosphere in the comfort of their own home, while consuming the meal on their living room couch and crying in front of their cat.
Customers who choose to pick up their meal at Chanello’s have the option of having the dishwasher tell them that there are plenty of fish in the sea.
The “Forever Alone Feast” will be available until closing, at which time the restaurant will return to its tradition of serving food that is only edible when severely intoxicated.
Surprise your significant other with one of our t-shirts; it’ll probably go over well?