Virginia Flaggers Debut White Cloth Face Mask to Commemorate Confederacy
RICHMOND, Va. — In honor of those who took second place in the Civil War, the Virginia Flaggers debuted a white cloth face mask today to commemorate the Confederacy as well as complying with Virginia’s new face covering requirements.
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The Virginia Flaggers, an organization that fights to celebrate the heritage of the Confederacy by proudly waving flags at random people throughout the city, claim that the new mask requirement represents heinous oppression from a tyrannical government.
“The state shouldn’t be forcing me to wear no damn mask,” Flagger Dwayne Smith explained, adding that his Confederate ancestors didn’t fight so Caucasian Americans could be stripped of their free will. “Nothing, let it be coronavirus or government regulation or hellfire and fury, will ever stop us from flying the flag of the Confederacy high and proud”
“However,” Smith continued, “if our members choose to wear this new mask, it will at least allow them to continue showing their southern pride during this difficult time.”
Despite their abhorrence to face masks and science, the Virginia Flaggers will also be selling Confederate flag masks, along with actual Confederate flags and other memorabilia commemorating the treasonous nation.
In spite of the horrific government oppression that it has brought, Smith is confident that Old Virginny will beat COVID-19 just like it beat Reconstruction. “We will fight coronavirus the same way we have fought the left’s vicious attack on our history,” Smith said. “I have faith that the Confederacy will win this war.”
Whomever wrote this…deserves a raise.