News Peed

Area Raccoon Disappointed In Museum District Garbage Selections

RICHMOND, Va. – After scavenging through the garbage of many Museum District residencies, a local raccoon has reportedly expressed massive amounts of dissatisfaction towards his findings. “I was really hoping for some leftovers from Fancy Biscuit, but there’s nothing but patchouli and crumpled up VMFA pamphlets around here,” the raccoon complained, while spitting out stale Pabst Blue Ribbon from a nearby can. “How do these humans survive on this crap?” The nocturnal mammal admitted to being a Richmond native with years and years of experience when it comes to finding nutritious waste. However, he went on to claim that foraging through this part of town was merely out of circumstance. “Honestly, the only reason why I’m over here now is because Carytown has gotten so competitive. Everyone’s there now thanks to that new Korean place that’s opened up.” The raccoon ended his interview by knocking over multiple green garbage bins on Grove Ave in a fit of rage before storming off into the distance.

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