VCU to Offer Ark Building Concentration in Light of Climate Change

RICHMOND, Va. — In an effort to prepare future generations for the impending threat of catastrophic weather phenomena associated with climate change, Virginia Commonwealth University (VCU) will now offer students a series of classes in ark building, university officials confirmed Tuesday.

The new concentration comes in response to the continued threat of major weather disasters that could impact the Commonwealth.

“The university needs to take every possible precaution to prepare students for what climate change may bring,” Manisha Qadi, a tenured mechanical engineering professor, commented. “We may be facing flood levels on the James River that could wipe out Shockoe Bottom in an afternoon, turning the entire neighborhood into Richmond’s own Atlantis.”

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Qadi said that the first level ark building courses, fall’s Ark Building 101 and spring’s 102, will educate students on the basic structural integrity and components of a normal ark and will be a required prerequisite for all first-year students wishing to continue with this speciality. Additional courses will offer valuable lessons in ark necessities, navigation, and general post-apocalyptic survival information.

Course material for the introductory classes will include textbooks related to Noah’s Ark, various types of marine lumber, and the 1995 film “Waterworld.”

“Students will be educated on how to build an ark that can not only survive massive floods but can survive in the world following the catastrophe, too,” Qadi said.

The response from the student body has been overwhelming positive. Jennifer Regis, a sophomore studying accounting, plans to enroll next semester. “I’m eager to see what I can learn in this class,” Regis said. “Like, philosophy sounds cool and all, but disaster survival is really what students should be learning these days.”

Another student, freshman Mark Thurston, remains undeclared in hopes that VCU will soon turn ark building and natural disaster survival into a full major.

“It’s something I would really like to pursue and think I would be good at,” he told reporters while showing a design of what the interior of his ark would entail. “I’ll have a spare room over there, a mini fridge here, and the entertainment center up against that wall right there, next to the Hendrix poster.”

“I can probably fit a few animals in the spare room, too,” he continued. “You’re supposed to do that with an ark, right?”

To supplement the ark-related courses, Qadi said the university is also exploring other related classes to offer students.

“One class we really want to add is ‘How To Scientifically Prevent Disastrous Climate Change From Happening In Your Lifetime 101,’ but we’re having trouble getting the federal or state funding to make it a possibility.”

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