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Report: Catastrophic Climate Change Definitely Worth Virginia’s 70 Degree Winter Weather

WAKEFIELD, Va. — A new report from the National Weather Service in Wakefield revealed that pleasantly warm temperatures throughout the winter months is totally worth the effects of catastrophic climate change, the organization announced Monday.

“According to our meteorological team, the comfortable 70 degree temperatures in late December are a fair trade for the devastating effects of climate change,” the report read, highlighting the outdoor activities that Virginians get to partake in with particular enjoyment in the warmer weather, such as hiking or visiting breweries.

“Getting to enjoy a lager on the patio of a rustic brewery in the Shenandoah hills while wearing short sleeves in December is a fair trade for the devastation caused by rising ocean water and other deadly meteorological phenomenon — especially if the world is going to end one day, regardless.”

The report also mentioned a poll that was conducted regarding Virginia residents’ opinions on the matter, noting a near unanimous agreement that warmer winter weather was worth the entire planet being wiped out from climate change, as long as both the Washington, D.C. metro area and the entire state of Florida were the first places to go.


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