CHESTERFIELD, Va. — Stressing that he is just an innocent canine caught in the crossfire, Remington, the dog of Sen. Amanda Chase, R-11, has been stuck listening to Chase’s conspiracy theories about various political topics since her ban from Facebook earlier this year, sources confirmed Wednesday.
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“I swear, if I have to listen to one more rant about how the Democrats stole the 2020 election, I’m going to tear up her high heels and shit on the living room carpet,” Remington, a four-year-old Labrador named after the firearms manufacturer, explained. He further noted how it must be nice that Major, the Biden’s family dog, likely doesn’t have to put up with stuff like this.
“Look, I’m just a purebred that can’t even vote in elections. She doesn’t get that I’ve got nothing to do with Northam being an ‘evil baby killer’ or him paying Antifa protesters to riot on Monument Avenue, and it’s driving me insane. She can’t even feed me a treat without pretending to give it to me and then yelling “come and take it.”
At the time of reporting, sources close to the family revealed that Remington was threatening to eat several pounds of the Easter chocolates if Chase’s Facebook account was not reinstated soon.