RICHMOND, Va. — Reeking of various craft beers, a heavily intoxicated former Gov. Terry McAuliffe loudly yelled for someone to tell him who was running in the election, sources confirmed Tuesday. According to accounts, the former governor arrived at his polling location at 8:15 a.m., after pregaming earlier in the morning for approximately two hours.
“Who’s running in this bitch again?” McAuliffe drunkenly yelled through the line, before being informed that Sen. Tim Kaine, D-Va., was running against Corey Stewart. “Corey Stewart? You mean that racist carpetbagging sack of shit from Minnesota?”
“Corey Stewart is what you get when a couple of Confederate reenactors fuck in a Mall of America bathroom,” he added.
McAuliffe continued to heckle Stewart supporters until he reached the check-in table. When asked to show identification, McAuliffe reportedly screamed at an election volunteer that he would not have his vote cockblocked before offering an immediate slurred apology and producing his driver’s license from his sock.
After voting, McAuliffe hollered for an “I Voted” sticker before stumbling out of the building and projectile vomiting on a Chevrolet Impala in the parking lot.
- McAuliffe Invites All of Star-lite Back to Capitol to Play Cornhole
- Terry McAuliffe Drunkenly Screams for “WAGON WHEEEELL!!” During NOFX’s Set at Punk in Drublic Festival
If you’re waiting in line to vote, why not check out our online store in the meantime?