River City Sports Announces New Fall Sport: Jousting

RICHMOND, Va. — River City Sports & Social Club announced today that jousting will be offered during its fall sports season. The news comes after the success of other so-called “edgy” sports for the RCSSC, like axe throwing, capture the flag, and flip cup.

“Here in Richmond there is interest in a wide variety of sports,” RCSSC director Brad Dans said. “We’ve decided to add jousting to our lineup of sports leagues this fall in response to the demand for it in the greater RVA fiefdom, from the drunks in Mechanicsville to the drunks in Scott’s Addition.”

The league, which is open to veteran jousters and newcomers alike, will run from September to November, culminating in a championship tournament that is being described as something to huzzah about. “Our league will have it all,” Dans said, “mead, maidens, meat pies, and potentially life-threatening injuries.”

Rhonda Clements, a member of the Jousters of Central Virginia, was seen cleaning her armor after being the first person to register for the league. “I’m really looking forward to forging connections with other jousters in the Richmond area,” Clements said while spraying her armor with WD-40, “as well as trying to stab them in a socially acceptable way.”

The sport is not without its share of risk. Jim Franklin, a spokesperson for VCU Medical Center, said it plans to staff more emergency room personnel and trauma surgeons to cope with the anticipated injuries resulting from the league.

“We’re always astounded by the lengths Richmonders will go to for a drunken thrill,” Franklin said. “Let’s just say we’ve already stocked up on splints and are reviewing our protocols for treating puncture wounds.”
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